Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
