Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
