last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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