I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
