you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Are my feet made of real feet?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
