Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
