My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
