so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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