They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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