These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
