Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
