we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize