I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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