I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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