sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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