I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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