I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize