im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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