Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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