Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
