You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
