I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
