Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
