we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
