i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
