I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
