why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
