I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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