I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
