I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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