I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
