Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
