i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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