jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
