Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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