I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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