While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
