Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
