wanna go halves on a baby?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
