heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize