I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
