I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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