I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
