My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
