A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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