Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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