Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
