its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
