that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
