everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
