I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Boobs are out for the taking
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
