When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
