I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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