Cold hands, warm shart.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
