I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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