Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
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Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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