I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
