ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
